Lazy Writer Cooks: Boiled Chicken

I'm taking the whole day to focus exclusively on the Writing Side, intending first and foremost to get back into the mindset for the book "Lived Too Long to Die". Since it has so many characters, I have to be in top form to keep them all in my head at once, and I cannot, will not, be distracted. But I will need nourishment.

The Lazy Writer theory of cooking has three objectives:
1. Quick Preparation
2. No Supervision
3. Easy Clean-Up

Today, I shall make Boiled Chicken.

Ingredients:
Chicken, Rice Vermicelli, Stock Cube, Vegetables*
*Go to the early morning market and buy whatever vegetables are available that day. Sometimes there's bell peppers and mushrooms, but you're guaranteed to find onions and carrots.

With three pieces of chicken and three onions, there's enough food in there for three meals, and that's just enough for the whole day.

Materials:
The key to achieving the objectives is to shop smart for a steamer. Spend the extra couple bucks for a non-stick pan and all the fancy features like a timer. You'll know it's good because it'll claim to be able to make bread (It can, but...don't).

No supervision necessary, just push the button and do something else. It's easy!
 

Preparation:
Pour 1 liter of clean water into the boiler. Unpack the rice vermicelli and form it into a triangle in the boiler, then put the chicken pieces along the sides. Place the stock cube in the center of the vermicelli triangle. Chop the onions into large pieces and peel and cut the carrot and throw them all in there. Push the button, the boiler will beep.

Write Something:
While you're waiting, write up a storm, tap away at your keyboard like there's no tomorrow. You are racing the boiler and you've got to finish at least 1000 words or you don't get to eat. But c'mon, you should be writing 250 words every 15 minutes, or you weren't properly prepared. Lazy Writer.

Just as you write the thousandth word, the boiler beeps again, finished.

Serving:
Take a piece of chicken out with a fork and cut it up, putting the pieces on a deep plate, then ladle out a generous portion of vermicelli and vegetables, all delicious thanks to the stock. Add pepper, if you like.

Eat, then get back to writing, but more leisurely this time. When you've got another thousand words, eat lunch in the same manner, then get back to writing, you're going for at least two thousand.

Soup:
You've got two thousand words out, eh? Well, this has left you ravenous, so you need an afternoon snack.

Chop up the smallest piece of chicken and stir it back into the remaining water and vegetables, then pour it all in a large bowl. The stock flavor will be especially intense, so enjoy.

Dinner:
Read through what you've written today and fill in any holes or continuity errors that you see. Figure out the first two scenes you're going to write tomorrow, then put it aside. You've done well.

After you spend a few minutes cleaning everything up, pop open a beer. If you're feeling especially bohemian (which of course you are) you can drink Archa, the PBR of Thailand at a buck a bottle.

Repeat indefinitely.

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Don't forget! If you comment on this blog and mention the Available Story that most intrigues you, I'll send you a coupon code to get the whole story free on Smashwords. If your e-mail address isn't visible on your profile/blog, just shoot me an e-mail when you make your comment so I can send the coupon to you.

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Words? 4000
Book "Lived Too Long To Die"
- - - -
Reading - ?

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A Grand Experiment

I can't put it off any longer without being a coward. I'm taking a first step into the heady world of indie publishing.

There comes a point where no amount of research is worth as much as a little personal experience, and that time has come. I've crunched the numbers, worked out the logistics, and read everything I could find on the subject, and the conclusion I am forced to reach is to Go For It.

Amongst those sources have been Dean Wesley Smith and Joe Konrath, who know what they're talking about. I urge you to check out those sites if you're wary of self-publishing (as distinct from vanity publishing) by default.

So what is this grand experiment? I've taken six of my very best short stories and published them as ebooks. I have some very specific performance goals for them, and if it works out, I'll expand along these lines. Let's call me a hybrid writer: I'll still be writing short stories for submission to fiction magazines, many of which I read regularly and would love to see my name in. But I'll also be writing for my own magazine, which has the toughest editor in town: me.

I wouldn't be taking this step if it weren't for my confidence in the quality of my writing, a confidence hard-earned over the last two and a half years of daily writing. I've knocked out my First Million Words (and burned them!), and now I'm digging into the Second Better Million. And that's what you're getting with these stories, that and my assurance that I will never, ever waste your time. Or waste my own time wasting your time.

If I seem a bit nervous, I'm not going to pretend that it's not nerve-wracking to start something new...but it's also exhilarating.

From Dean Wesley Smith's Killing the Sacred Cows of Publishing:

But the challenge is great fun. If you aren’t the type of person that goes at something that seems impossible and says, “Oh, why not, let’s try,” then you might want to find another job to chase.

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Skeptical? No worries, we can make this as painless as possible. There's two easy steps you can take to give my writing a try:

1. Read "Preemptive Mercy", a flash fiction on Smashwords for free.
2. Comment on this blog, noting in your post which of the Available Stories most intrigues you, and I'll send you a coupon code letting you download that story for free from Smashwords so you can see how you like it. Comment on this or future posts (only one coupon per day, though). Note: if your profile or blog doesn't have your e-mail address visible, shoot me an e-mail after you comment so I can send you the coupon.

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250 words? Yes
Project "Untitled"
- - - -
Reading - ?

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The Bechdel Test

It is time, once again, to talk about the possibility of subconscious sexism. Whoo?

What I mean is being fair to the characters and to the story by not making it all about one particular gender, skin tone, or viewpoint. The most egregious example historically has been men, more specifically white men, even more specifically white men with money. Which is fine so far as it goes, white men with money did and do engage in many story-worthy things. For instance, beating up all those Na'vi and burning down their silly tree to get their magic rocks. Parker Selfridge was the true hero of that movie, also I've never watched the ending.

Anyways, to avoid this, I apply The Bechdel Test in a non-binding way to everything I write, the basic structure being:

1. it includes at least two women (preferably named),
2. who have at least one conversation
3. about something other than a man or men.

If it doesn't pass, I answer the question "Why?" to my satisfaction and move on ("There's only one character!"), but the important thing is that I've answered it.

The Bechdel Test isn't restricted to women, of course. There're viewpoints and skin tones and, in speculative fiction, species. In fact, I'd have to say I use the test more for moral viewpoints than for anything else. I'm calling it the Straw Man Test.

1. it includes at least two characters who believe X.
2. who have at least one conversation
3. about something other than characters who believe Not-X.

If a character's belief is only defined by opposition to another belief, he's a Straw Man. If all of your character's beliefs are only defined in opposition to each other, your characters aren't having any fun.

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This picture passes the Bechdel Test handily. Two women, Ms. Sato and Ms. Takahashi, discuss the three most popular beers in Japan before purchasing and consuming them. This is, of course, a common street scene in Modern Tokyo. Or at least much more common than giant robots and monsters. I'm not sure why large glass bottles of beer are more popular in Asia than cans, but it does look more classy, and it's louder. Two essentials in the drinking experience.

In case you're wondering: The ladies decide that Sapporo is the best of the three, because it has a star.

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1000 words? Yes
Short Story "The Language of Ice Cubes" - finished
- - - -
Reading - "Anansi Boys" (Neil Gaiman)

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