Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Writer's Diet

Hey, go read this over at H2NHePub.com now!

"With great massivesness comes great responsibility"
-Uncle Ben['s Rice]
Having decided to take control over this earth-bound balloon that I have become, I hereby draw up a food eating thing. I'm told it's called a "diet". Since I'm not used to being fat, I have to learn a whole bunch of new vocab words.
Here's why I'm fat: For the first twenty-four months in Thailand, I was sick* every day, and had to eat a large amount of food just to keep up with all the food that was leaving me in another form**; the last three months in Thailand, I was no longer sick every day, having adjusted. Oh...goody. Thus began a downward spiral***.
I've sat down and figured out what I need to accomplish my work, and I hereby lay it out for you in convenient categories, from most important to least. I've included a whole bunch of links to Amazon for my own reference, because I am sorely tempted to set up a "Subscribe & Save" thing with them, where they send me these various staples and I only have to leave my house to buy booze and deli meats. Ah, scrabjous day, for the recluse; Amazon is my friend.
Most of my empty calories came in the form of soft (and hard) drinks of every variety, so I've taken the liberty of reducing them to the barest essentials, along with mostly cutting out red meats and adding "fruit".
I drink cold fridge-brewed tea for the most efficient caffeine intake over time. So long as I can consume it continuously throughout the day without getting twitchy, I'm good to go. I've found TAZO Awake Black Tea to be the most convenient toward this end, and it comes in neat little packets.
When I just have to drink something out of a can so my mouth isn't plain tea dry, I go for a refreshing A&W Diet Root Beer or a hydrating AriZona Diet Green Tea.
Since I usually walk five kilometers right after breakfast, I want something light that won't weigh me down, but that won't leave me ravenous until I've written at least two thousand words (hence, not giving me an excuse to interrupt my words with food). To that end, cereal cut with fruit: Cheerios (and a banana) or Blueberry Morning
A Sandwich: ham and turkey obtained from the Publix deli, with at least two cheeses chosen at random, with Annie's Naturals Organic Yellow Mustard on Whole wheat, sliced in twain, one half toasted, the other fresh, to be eaten one after the other while reading Cracked.com during my writing break.
Carrot sticks. How exciting...
An unholy experiment with Chicken or fresh Fish, usually with brown rice, often a failure when I discover I forgot to learn the spell "Bind Dimensional Shambler". I eat it anyhow, unless the cat won't.
After a long day of writing and exercise, I like to sit down and read a book with, close to hand, a Murphy's Stout, an eminently drinkable beer, which I like because the pint-can has a nitrogen widget for a nice pour.
On Sundays, I enjoy a beer or four at the local, Brewer's Pizza, which has many glorious beers on tap, but where I prefer the brewed-on-site Tribal Rite followed by the aptly-named Landslide.
We'll see how this diet and exercise works out vis-à-vis my immensity. I'm tired of people calculating their delta-v as they pass me by.
Get back to work, jerks.
Thanks for reading!
feel free to comment
*euphemism alert
**euphemism over
***or, more accurately, a centrifugal propulsion of fat outward and ill-health inward. Boo.

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