Green Skirt Green Hat

Lalala, green skirt, green hat.
Lalala, write hard, don't get fat.
Lalala, sexy times, come to those,
Lalala, those who think ahead,
Lalala, and write song lyrics.
Lalala, Lalala, Lalala, Lalala...

Yes. That was amazing.

There's more! But I won't write it because I want to leave it to your imagination.

That's the point of writing, right?

Here's the reason I'm a writer, even when I let my imagination go a little bit too far, there's always a way to bring it back and make it work. It's also a 100% True Fact that a lot of people like when imaginations go a bit too far. I just want it to be one of mine.

I've got three different kinds of imagination. The Good Kind, which is dull, The Bad Kind, which is...bad, and the Great Kind, which is what happens when I've got over the first two. Unlike what all the cool kids say to do, I do force my imagination into line, using whips.

The whips are made of cream cheese. It's mindcurdling.

I feel terrible, but I'm busy at it. I'm ignoring the terror. I'm ignoring the terror. Wait, why am I ignoring the terror? It's terrorible.

Lalala...

#

She's singing that song up there while she goes trick or treating.

It's Halloween Hijinks!

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*197

The Rickety Plane To Adventure

I walk the line of petty and awesome, careful not to fall too far on either side. My new rule is that I can't call myself a Writer unless I've spent at least 40 hours writing the week before. Unless I was dead, in which case I have more interesting problems.

Have you ever wondered what it'd be like to be a ghost? Huh? My favourite kind of ghost is the friendly kind who just needs people to help it solve the mystery of how she was killed. Those ones are always fun, and there's a little tragedy when the detective realizes he's fallen in love with her but knows that he has to solve the mystery anyways. Then she moves on, blowing a kiss. Single tear.

Hey! The most rickety plane I've ever been on? Yeah, it crashed. Gently. Nobody died, nor did we have to build ourselves another plane to escape the desert. It was in China, though. Missed opportunity there.

Speaking of missed opportunity, I really should be writing more. It's just not fair. I am learning valuable lessons about myself in the process though. So there's that.

Lesson #1
I write better when I'm well-exercised. One way or the other. Still, what that means is I have a whole new plan o' Life Organisation. This also means I will be a super-sexy writer thanks to all the exercise. Watch out ladies.

Lesson #2
I don't wake up fully until 10AM. It's just how it is. Left to myself, my natural schedule is to stay up until just before the sun rises.

Lesson #3
I like lists, but only when I'm making them.

I've decided to spell things the British way in this biog post. I think that's because my computer thinks I'm in Singapore. Did you know that British people spell "blog" with an "i"? That's not true, but that's what the ole' spell checker says.

I'm going to write a story set in England, because I have no experience with England except from stories. Oh, and the English folk I know, I guess. They were all expatriates so they hardly count. MY STORY WILL HAVE PUBS IN.

#

I've migrated to Ubuntu on my netbook because it's awesome and...er...runs GIMP faster than Windows on my netbook. The only thing I use the Windows XP partition specifically for is Microsoft Office. OpenOffice.org failed me for fast ebook formatting.

Sure, I could do it the lame .html way, but I'm not really doing anything fancy.

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*196

Snow And Lack Thereof

I haven't seen snow in two years. It's really impacting my ability to get cover art for stories set in snow, yet I still write stories set in snow because I don't care. Snow is easier to dream about because it uses fewer system resources to render.

Space is like a field of snow. Don't fall asleep or you'll freeze to death. That's Science Fiction, people.

I don't really notice the weather in any case, in the same way as I only notice the time of day because the shops close at inconvenient hours. I prefer to let the world take care of itself while I take care of myself.

Snow!

#

Haw haw, Canada has funny snowsuits. Vacations unlimited? More like Dorks...a lot of them!

Take that, past! 

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*195

Art Occurs

The trick is not to Have Art, it's to make the time for Art To Happen.

There's not much that needs to happen for that to happen. Lay out all the tools you need and then use them until you end up with art. If you can't lay out the tools, find out why and fix it. If you can't use the tools, find out why and fix it. If you don't want to use the tools, find out why and fix it.

Or don't. Nobody's forcing you to be an artist.

Just don't pretend to be one at parties unless you're absolutely certain that it will get you laid. That's the only scenario where being a dilettante doesn't muck things up for the hard worker. Now, if the dilettante act is just a cover for a lot of hard work, you've got the best of both worlds. And you probably won't have to mooch as many drinks. 

That's the real dream of the working writer.

#

I don't know what they're advertising here, but I'm COMPELLED

Maybe it's an angry clown.

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*194

Away From TV

Writers! Don't watch TV! This is the one solid lesson I can dispense at this point.

Here's the only TV I intend to watch for a while: The Daily Show / The Colbert Report (because it's faster than watching the news) & Parks and Recreation (because if my career continues, I intend to become Ron Swanson). That's at most five hours of TV a week, which is probably fine.

I like half-hour shows. I'm not even going to bother with movies, since I usually end up watching them in half-hour chunks anyways and it's quite a time investment for something that usually ends up sucking.

Here's my philosophy: I'm writing short fiction, I should be reading short fiction. So when I want to have some calm relaxation, I'll pop over to one of the magazines on my list and read some short fiction, or I'll bust open one of my anthologies of great short fiction, such as from Harlan Ellison or Ray Bradbury.

I'm not writing a book. Books take a long time to read, and I usually hate reading The Middle anyways. After I get bored of writing short stories, then I can obsess over writing books and do it right.

So...do whatever you want, but don't watch TV.

(...that fizzled.)

#

Don't moralize at me, ugly station wagon. I'll sit in my house and I'll like it.

Don't make me pull this car over...

...over a cliff, ooh! BURNED.

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Story: Yes(2)

Story "An Aesop Amidst the Fairy Dust"
Story "The Littlest Barnacle"

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*193

A Balancing Act

Valentine's Day! Whoo! Hearts and such for everybody.

I have two Talks I have to give every girl I embark on a serious relationship with:


First,
I'm a Creative
I am an INTJ personality and I've discovered that I'm happiest when I let that run wild throughout everything I do. "Does it work?" and "How can it work better?", followed by actually doing the trial-and-error required to make that happen. I carry around a notebook and write down ideas, then put them in the computer for later. I'm a Writer, and not the dilettante writer@party kind, the actual kind who has to put in a lot of hours writing so that he can one day make a living. That means that I'll be just as busy as you would expect an entrepreneur to be and sometimes I'll be busy to such a degree that I won't notice you no matter how sexy you've made yourself. On the upside, I don't watch sport?


Then if that hasn't scared her off,
I'm Manic-Depressive
Taking off from above, there will be times when I actively ignore you so as not to waste the blinding-hot creative mania that I am in so that I can get as much accomplished as possible. Then there will be times when I barely wake up and mostly wander around thinking about who-knows-what. This would be the best time to discuss your feelings, because I'll be able to dissect them most effectively without having the energy or wherewithal to try to solve them. That never helps. If one of these times, up or down, should fall upon a major holiday of love, don't get mad when I haven't planned anything. It's because I haven't looked at a calendar in days. I am neither annoyed nor sad, it's not you, and a surprise party will not go well.

On the upside, because of my meticulous mental hygiene, I will be the least drama you've ever had in your entire life. I'm never jealous, I'm calm, rational, and neither a perv nor a stalker. Also, I could care less how much you make, who you choose to hang out with, or what you choose to do. And, because of the good parts that come of mixing these two issues o' mine, I will make you laugh, continuously, whether you want to or not.

So, Happy Valentine's Day. I bought you a stuffed turtle.

#

Will I have a girlfriend at the end of the year? That's up to us.

But for now? Let's go to the circus and watch the clowns.

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*192

The Tavern

I just spent a weekend camping and had a wonderful time. I'm still depressed, but that's purely natural and at least I'm well-exercised from wandering around. The upside is that means the topic of the day is the mindset of writing. The more I ramp up to write intensively, the more important I've found it to:

(1) Never Drink or Eat Alone
(2) Often Drink or Eat With Other People 

It works the same with eating, and the point is there's no real benefit to be had from being drunk by yourself. For one thing it's expensive, and for another you're getting no exercise. I don't know about you, but when I'm drinking with friends we're constantly moving around or engaging in elaborate hijinks or at least having very animated discussions around a bar.

Even in my current isolation (all for a good cause), it's important for me to actively find friends, if only to have somebody to bounce Creativity off of and to remember how it is that the people who don't live exclusively in my head speak English. Sadly, I don't have ready access to a proper Tavern, so I have to make the best of things.

So, yeah, Writers: If you're drinking alone, you're not writing enough. If you're eating alone, you should be eating vegetables and water. Save the fancy stuff for when you've got friends. You'll be healthier and write better.

But remember David's Rule for Writers: Eat All The Eggs You Want.

That's deep, and I just made that up.

#

Now THIS is an effective ad. I'm actively thirsty just looking at it. What happened to the good old days of advertisement?

Now it's all pop-up ads and click-through. And so few people wear suits and behave in a classy way.

NOW I WANT TO BE A MAD MEN. Although I guess they don't drink Budweiser. I want to be a slumming Mad Men.

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*191