Christmas Eve 2011

Christmas Eve—otherwise known as The Only Holiday I Celebrate—is upon us, and I'm having a wonderful time! Let's report it the traditional way:

Christmas Past

Since I knocked my own Christmas Past out of the park with Christmas Eve 2010, I'll just provide you with my favorite part of the movie I'll be watching with my girlfriend tonight:
Man, those guys knew how to spread Christmas cheer.

Christmas Present

Did I mention my girlfriend? I think I might have. This is the Second Annual Christmas Party & Debauch, so I'm ready to settle in to some delicious fish, beer, and et cetera. What a time we'll have, writing dry spell notwithstanding, and then I'll be ready to embrace the new year 2012 (Thai year 2555) with open arms, heart and mind. I'm going back to America in a month or two, but I'll be back, for my pineapple girl.

She's the reason for the season.

What? You wanted a Christmas Girl? Do your own damn Google Image Search, you perverts.

Christmas Future

I've already made my five-year plan, and nothing can change it, so let's talk about the real Future. Specifically, why haven't I had the opportunity to go colonize wherever the hell this is yet?

source

It's "a habitable exoplanet in orbit around a red dwarf". Look at those lush continents! Man, we could be doing so many cool things on the land, and talking to the local whale population. Plus, everything will be all red and cool. That makes dramatic speeches more spooky:

Governor David Barron, exhorting the colonists.

Who's with me? I'll give Humanity until 2024, then I'm going by myself. Don't make me come back there.

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

-daB
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Dry Spells And The Sorcerer

I have a terrible confession to make: I haven't finished anything in two months. I've written lots of words, but I haven't been enjoying the real, true reason that I write...that is to say: Having Written. "Behold," I like to say, "I wrote that." Nobody wants to know what you're writing. That's the most boring thing you could ever tell anybody. What they want to know is: "Is it done yet?!?" Well, it's not.

Dry Spells

Some finished works are more appreciated than others.

So, I think it's best to call this a "dry spell", because that sounds better than "drought". If the writer is a weather system, there's water out there, but it's just not filling up any particular buckets. Let's try to diagnose, shall we?

Writer's Block
Nope. Do you see all these books I have to write? And that's not even including the short stories that exist in potentia and first paragraphia. No, I currently have more ideas than I can shake a stick at, and they're piling up more and more as I get farther and farther behind. It's very annoying.

Distracted By The Sexy
While this is a fine theory, it seems rude to blame everything on my amazing perfect relationship which is better than yours in every way. Also, sexier. Stop being rude, guys. Even though:

The Sexy

Hmm...

Lack of Sleep
Oh, now I'm just showing off.

Lack of Concentration
There's been a lot of paperwork, uncertainty and background negotiations involved to make my Five Year Plan work, and I've found that it's hard to focus on an invented narrative when I'm trying to make an actual, real-life story come true. But that's not a good enough excuse. I've been busier than this, and still managed to write a whole pile of stories.

Maybe I'm just SCARED
Maybe YOU'RE just scared. Yeah. How's that feel?

Headache
Maybe it's because I have a massive headache on a daily basis for no physical reason. Yeah, that might be part of it. I should drink more coffee.

Writing Block
When I sit down to write at my computer, I don't. Or, that is, I don't get to the sit down to write part. I don't think there's a psychology here...I think I'm just unstable. It'll work out before the New Year.

Anyways, I haven't been inactive. I've got a lot of reading done, a lot of reading. That can't hurt. I feel I should read at least ten books for every one I write. It takes about the same amount of time. I've also been keeping up with the short story magazines, and I've got a whole bunch of logistics worked out.

The only solution is to Write More.

I'm going to do the Write1Sub1 weekly thing in 2012, that'll keep me focused. I'll also be writing at least five book projects in 2012, whether I want to or not. Oog.

The Sorcerer

What the hell? (link)

So, let's leave that aside. The solution is easy, it'll just appear one of these days, and there I'll be: back to my prodigious output. I've got a more interesting problem, which is MAGIC. As a writer, I'm a philosopher-magician, but I prefer the term sorcerer because it's more fun to intone, like so:

SORCERER!

It is a well-known fact amongst sorcerers that they need some influences, so I've decided to take my writing career to the next level by invoking the names of sorcerer-writers of the PAST AND PRESENT. Also, I added adjectives.

I invoke thee:

Stephen King
accessible, popular

Harlan Ellison

challenging, robust

Anne McCaffrey

great characters, settings

Henceforth consider me those three, combined, for the next generation. Thanks!
...now:
Excuse me while I disappear, in cloud of smoke and rustle of cape.
-daB
feel free to comment

Expanding Universe

I'm expanding and learning! Here's a quick round-up of H2NH ePub's latest propositions for expansion.

Amazon Kindle Owner's Lending Library
Like a responsible small businessman, I waded through the whining about this new KDP program about the new program and then read the contract, upon which I decided to go for it. It doesn't look TOO bad, and I know a whole bunch of Amazon Prime folk who will take advantage of it.

So, if you are so inclined, own a Kindle and are an Amazon Prime member, you can borrow my exciting Science Fiction thriller, the novel Tisroc Spring! Wow! Also available are "More of the Sun: The Jeremiad Monologues" by David Barron & "Minute Macabre (1)" by Jillian Nice. (But, as those are a mere $0.99 regularly, you might as well buy them, right? RIGHT?)

Blurbs
I find myself admiring my blurb-writing, after much research, effort and practice. I enjoy turns of phrase and pithy laconisms. I still need more practice, though, so let's make a deal: Since I hate reviewing things, my offer is if you send me your work, I'll read it and write a blurb for it, which you can use as you wish. Fair enough?

RPG Modules
Spider Frost runs a lot of RPGs in various systems, and after talks (well, 'reading the contract terms') with DriveThruRPG, he feels he can monetize this passion by writing some play-tested modules for the Pathfinder RPG (and D&D 3.5e) under the terms of the Open Game License.

But! He needs to find a Fantasy artist (and cartographer) to go in with him. Here's the deal, we collaborate on the module--Spider does the writing, you do the drawing, but we both work out the details together--we playtest it with some loyal nerds, and then we split the 70% royalty down the middle: 30% to each of us and 10%  to eventual print costs. Fair's fair, right? Talk to me! (contact info at bottom of this site)

David Allen Barron
Presumably my final open pen name, he writes literature as per these guidelines. It would appear that most of his writing is going to follow Dave Frost, sad-sack community college professor in modern day America, which is itself rather a mundane science fiction.

I make my pen names work hard, and encourage cross-pollination.

Henceforth shall I be referred to and introduced at parties as "citizen-taxpayer in good standing Mr. David Allen Barron, novelist". Take note, butlers of all nations.

-daB

feel free to comment