Lazy Writer Cooks: Cup Mama

Abandon All Hope. Just do it now and get it over with...

For some reason, somebody actually asked me to do a sequel post to Lazy Writer Cooks: Boiled Chicken, and she declared herself unsatisfied with Lazy Writer Drinks: Thaiball. So, I says, if I've got a blog I've got to have a series and I tried to think of something else to cook.

I abruptly realized that I don't actually cook anything else, because my Boiled Chicken is so damn delicious and I'm so damn lazy.


Hence the title, lady.

What follows is thus the absolute only other thing I ever make for myself: Cup Mama, which is the fancy Thai way of saying Cup Ramen. Here's what you'll need:
One(1) Cup Mama
One(1) Bottle of Beer
Some(Some) Boiled Water
Zero(0) Dignity
Total Cost: 40 baht. One dollar.

Not Pictured: Hope

Open the cup of ramen. Remove the plastic fork. Now, place the cup delicately beneath the water boiler spout. Be careful, the water might be hot!

It could burn your soul...

Wait three minutes or until bored. Perhaps you could write something in this time, but this is more appropriate as a break from writing to regain all that sodium and all those calories you're not burning while you sit still and move your fingers.

It's extremely spicy, which masks your dull life.

After three minutes, open the cup lid and discard. Use the included plastic fork to eat the noodles, then drink the soup. Drink the beer. If you're still hungry, make another cup.

Drink more beer.

You know who to blame for this.

Now I'm going to get back to writing.

----
2000 words? Yes
Book "Lived Too Long to Die"
Short Story "Science Up Some Love"
- - - -
Reading - Passive Aggressive Notes

*157

Lazy Writer Cooks: Boiled Chicken

I'm taking the whole day to focus exclusively on the Writing Side, intending first and foremost to get back into the mindset for the book "Lived Too Long to Die". Since it has so many characters, I have to be in top form to keep them all in my head at once, and I cannot, will not, be distracted. But I will need nourishment.

The Lazy Writer theory of cooking has three objectives:
1. Quick Preparation
2. No Supervision
3. Easy Clean-Up

Today, I shall make Boiled Chicken.

Ingredients:
Chicken, Rice Vermicelli, Stock Cube, Vegetables*
*Go to the early morning market and buy whatever vegetables are available that day. Sometimes there's bell peppers and mushrooms, but you're guaranteed to find onions and carrots.

With three pieces of chicken and three onions, there's enough food in there for three meals, and that's just enough for the whole day.

Materials:
The key to achieving the objectives is to shop smart for a steamer. Spend the extra couple bucks for a non-stick pan and all the fancy features like a timer. You'll know it's good because it'll claim to be able to make bread (It can, but...don't).

No supervision necessary, just push the button and do something else. It's easy!
 

Preparation:
Pour 1 liter of clean water into the boiler. Unpack the rice vermicelli and form it into a triangle in the boiler, then put the chicken pieces along the sides. Place the stock cube in the center of the vermicelli triangle. Chop the onions into large pieces and peel and cut the carrot and throw them all in there. Push the button, the boiler will beep.

Write Something:
While you're waiting, write up a storm, tap away at your keyboard like there's no tomorrow. You are racing the boiler and you've got to finish at least 1000 words or you don't get to eat. But c'mon, you should be writing 250 words every 15 minutes, or you weren't properly prepared. Lazy Writer.

Just as you write the thousandth word, the boiler beeps again, finished.

Serving:
Take a piece of chicken out with a fork and cut it up, putting the pieces on a deep plate, then ladle out a generous portion of vermicelli and vegetables, all delicious thanks to the stock. Add pepper, if you like.

Eat, then get back to writing, but more leisurely this time. When you've got another thousand words, eat lunch in the same manner, then get back to writing, you're going for at least two thousand.

Soup:
You've got two thousand words out, eh? Well, this has left you ravenous, so you need an afternoon snack.

Chop up the smallest piece of chicken and stir it back into the remaining water and vegetables, then pour it all in a large bowl. The stock flavor will be especially intense, so enjoy.

Dinner:
Read through what you've written today and fill in any holes or continuity errors that you see. Figure out the first two scenes you're going to write tomorrow, then put it aside. You've done well.

After you spend a few minutes cleaning everything up, pop open a beer. If you're feeling especially bohemian (which of course you are) you can drink Archa, the PBR of Thailand at a buck a bottle.

Repeat indefinitely.

#

Don't forget! If you comment on this blog and mention the Available Story that most intrigues you, I'll send you a coupon code to get the whole story free on Smashwords. If your e-mail address isn't visible on your profile/blog, just shoot me an e-mail when you make your comment so I can send the coupon to you.

----
Words? 4000
Book "Lived Too Long To Die"
- - - -
Reading - ?

*074