Friday, January 28, 2011

Strong Drink Is a Mocker

By strong drink, Proverbs AND GOD HIMSELF of course mean "coffee". I hereby declare coffee beverage non grata in my house.

It just makes me twitchy and gives me headaches. I'll stay up all night anyways, I might as well not be jumping at every creak in the floorboards.

Now before you go saying "David, perhaps coffee in moderation would solve this problem?" to which my answer would be "WRONG! I halved, Halved!, my coffee intake and it didn't work." If you think I'm going to to halve it again, you're out of your mind. Who ever heard of drinking a mere 2 liters of coffee a day? I ASK YOU, who?

Anyways, my coffee drinking shall henceforth be limited to iced espresso purchased at will from the 20 roadside stands that exist on my daily walking route.

At home, I have a new beverage of choice that both reflects the delightful weather and fits my budget. Here's how to make it:

Giant Jug of "clean?" water, non-tasty.
Bottle of 45% Lime Juice
Soda Water

Mix all that in some mystical proportion, Figure it out for yourself, must I tell you everything?
Drink continuously while Writing* so that you have to get up every 30 minutes and go to the toilet. This is for your health.
Do not get sick from the water. If you do, walk it off, perhaps buying some espresso on the way.

This is going to work out just fine!

*Because this is a Writing Blog, remember?


For those wondering, a Buck eChap is an electronically published short story available for $0.99! The increasingly unsatisfying construct "eShorts" and the rather mundane Available Stories just wasn't cutting it, and I saw Kevin J. Anderson tweet:

"4 new chaps dictated and a HELLHOLE interview done today; now for some email, then to cook dinner."

And I went: "What's a chap?" LO! 'Tis apparently a short story in ephemeral bound form. Well, these are on the Internet. So buy them before they stay on the Internet forever. Also, say Bucky Chap. BUCKYYYYYYYYYY


Would you like your coffee with cream or with Biting Political Satire for the Modern Day!

Just cream, please, for me. And you, honey?

Two sugars, if you would.

FINE! Here's your coffee, sheeple.


You'd better tip.

Words? Yes
Short Story "An Aesop Amidst The Fairy Dust"
- - - -
Reading - ?



  1. You should convert to Mormonism. No coffee there! XD

  2. ...but then I'd have to give up beer and such, which is what calms me down after all that twitching.

    Because THAT combo is totally healthy.

  3. Ah, the only drink I can afford is tap water. It keeps me up though, especially when I splash it in my face.

  4. Drinking the local tap water would be...ill-advised. The big jug of water is cheap enough, though, and delivered to my doorstep.


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