Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas Eve 2011

Christmas Eve—otherwise known as The Only Holiday I Celebrate—is upon us, and I'm having a wonderful time! Let's report it the traditional way:

Christmas Past

Since I knocked my own Christmas Past out of the park with Christmas Eve 2010, I'll just provide you with my favorite part of the movie I'll be watching with my girlfriend tonight:
Man, those guys knew how to spread Christmas cheer.

Christmas Present

Did I mention my girlfriend? I think I might have. This is the Second Annual Christmas Party & Debauch, so I'm ready to settle in to some delicious fish, beer, and et cetera. What a time we'll have, writing dry spell notwithstanding, and then I'll be ready to embrace the new year 2012 (Thai year 2555) with open arms, heart and mind. I'm going back to America in a month or two, but I'll be back, for my pineapple girl.
She's the reason for the season.
What? You wanted a Christmas Girl? Do your own damn Google Image Search, you perverts.

Christmas Future

I've already made my five-year plan, and nothing can change it, so let's talk about the real Future. Specifically, why haven't I had the opportunity to go colonize wherever the hell this is yet?
It's "a habitable exoplanet in orbit around a red dwarf". Look at those lush continents! Man, we could be doing so many cool things on the land, and talking to the local whale population. Plus, everything will be all red and cool. That makes dramatic speeches more spooky:
Governor David Barron, exhorting the colonists.
Who's with me? I'll give Humanity until 2024, then I'm going by myself. Don't make me come back there.

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

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